My story so far part 1

My name is Mudassir Mohsin Jowher (he/him) and at the time of writing this, I'm a 25 y/o Indian Sunni Muslim Male Counseling Psychologist. This story takes place when although I was an Indian Sunni Muslim Male, I wasn't a psychologist. In fact, back then I was an NRI (non-residential Indian).

I was born and brought up in Abu Dhabi, UAE till I was 13 years. I was the third child of an immigrant family with no immediate relatives in the country. Growing up in the middle East got me acquainted with concepts of flat life, living as immigrants, what it means to live pay cheque to pay cheque, facing property issues back in India, having to miss out on almost all family functions, making family instead of having one, the role friends can play in one's life and so much more.

My dad would be a major character in a lot of stories that are personal to me. You see he had a psychiatric issue while mom was pregnant with me and that went on to shape a lot of things that happened thereafter. My dad's struggle with Psychiatric illness, intergenerational trauma, abandonment issues and so much more served to introduce me to psychiatry and the world of Counselling very early on.

My mom and the rest of us were always at the whims of dad's issues. This coupled with the fact that living 'alone' in the Middle East meant that whatever happened behind closed doors remained there. Later, when I would have the good fortune to meet and interact with some of my paternal cousins here in India I would go on to learn that most of what we went through wasn't limited just to us. Intergenerational trauma pops up regardless of how far you put yourself from your family.

This along with other things has been my driving force to ensure that history doesn't repeat its pervasive patterns through my progeny. I'm keen on ensuring at least those in my generation get closure on so many things that we badly deserve.

And please don't get me wrong it wasn't always bad. There were tonnes of good times. In fact, as I look back to contemplate, there's a lot more good interspersed throughout childhood, throughout the bad. My siblings and I were able to create our own pockets of safety, times and spaces where we would be left to our devices, instances and moments of peace with our loved ones. I think that's also a reason why one of my top 3 languages of love today is spending quality time.

My schooling from KG to 5th grade happened in Little Flower Pvt School in Abu Dhabi, and although for a brief year we had to come back to India because dad was in between jobs, we still came back to Abu Dhabi the next year and I was able to complete my 7th and 8th grade in Al Noor Indian Islamic School. Briefly, for a few months during 9th, I was admitted to Indian Islahi Islamic School but when my dad lost his job again that year and especially to ensure my CBSE registration happens from India we had to shift back to Hyderabad permanently.

My schooling up to 8th was mostly amongst non-hyderabadi folks. I was mainly exposed to south Indian - Malayali folks, Pakistani and Afghani folks, and quite a few Africans as well. I had friends from the entire sub-continent including Bangladesh, and Nepal too. But then I suppose at that age everyone in your class is your friend. In fact, we even had a rare Pinoy, Iranian or Egyptian kid too.

This exposure to multi-ethnic groups meant that I was able to pick and choose any and all customs that I liked to make part of my own culture. As far as my personal value system is concerned it was mostly hybrid and interspersed. I learnt the skill of making and more importantly remaking any and everything to my own liking.

I would read comics and novels and put my friends and myself, in the place of the protagonists and play out entire action sequences. And because we didn't have a TV at home growing up there was almost nothing I wouldn't watch on TV whenever we visited someone who had a TV. From documentaries on National geography to animal planets etc. What most kids would have considered boring was always something very fascinating for me.

Thanks to Ms Ellen my art teacher, I learnt how to repurpose and reuse almost anything, from Ms Shahida I learnt the beauty of poetry, from Ms Dorothy I discovered the joy of language, from Ms Jyothi I learnt the beauty in science. I've my teachers to thank for a lot of my passions, quirks, and interests. And above all from my mom I learnt resilience, she taught me the secrets of patience and initiated me into religion.

My story so far is incomplete but I guess you could say it's the foundation of a lot of what makes me, me.